Have you had a heartbreaking relationship and you just simply hate that person because they crushed you? Or, maybe hate is a strong word, but you just can’t stop re-living the trama? Would you like to change that?
In order to have a healthy, loving relationship we must heal the past and clear our hearts for new love. If we are steeped in anger from past hurts and blame, we are not clear to bring in the healthy love that we as human beings desire.
It is like the ocean with a huge oil spill. The animals inside begin to get sick and if bad enough even die – no new life can grow. Clean up the oil spill first before you try to grow a healthy new love.
It begins with, of course, forgiving them, but I would argue that you come before that.. in fact, I would say on a deeper level it is not about forgiving the other person at all it is about getting real with yourself and forgiving you.
Step 1 – get real with yourself
Step 2 – give yourself love and compassion
Step 3 – forgive yourself
Ok.. that’s a little too easy give me some baby steps..
1) See Them
Have a mock conversation with that person – in an ethereal way .. envision them in your mind.
2) Express Yourself
If you feel venom express the venom use the nastiest words you can muster and let it all loose on them. Yes, do this in a private place so others do not think you are crazy (LOL)! You can give it to them, every bit of your anger, until you literally have nothing left no more venom no more anger you feel like you have released it all. Tell them all the things you think of them. (Mental note: all of these things you think of them happen to be your own judgment)
3) Check Yourself
How do you feel? If you feel upset still keep going. If you feel a bit more relaxed and maybe sad go to the next step.
4) What do you deserve?
Now that you have done that tell them what you do deserve – I deserve to be treated with more respect.. I deserve to be spoiled.. I deserve to be loved
5) What made you feel hurt?
I felt hurt that you would/did/were…
6) What did you really want?
All I ever wanted was…
7) Take responsibility for your part.
I am sorry for …. (my part in this)..
“I am sorry that I didn’t give you enough attention which caused you to leave me…”
8) Forgive them
I understand the reason you did this was (your were doing the best you can, I was expecting something you couldn’t give, you were dealing with your own insecurities… )…
I forgive you for..
9) Forgive Yourself
I forgive me for ..(not paying attention, expecting too much from you, not loving myself enough to leave sooner…)
10) LET IT GO!
I release you, and I release me!
Say it until you feel them disconnecting.
11) If you still feel attached,
close your eyes, visualize a string of white light connecting you.. where is that light connecting into you and that other person… what does that mean to you? Is there some significance to that? Cut the cords pull them out of you and the other person and then see them in a hot air ballon flying away.. far far away and with them love and light.
Cynthia L. Glickman, PhD
For coaching support and a free consult email me at firstname.lastname@example.org with the words “Free Consult” in the subject line.